Avoiding the Self-Love Spiral: A No-Pressure Valentine’s Day Guide
Why is Self-Love So Exhausting?
It’s 6am, I’m writing a blog post before work, and yet I’m still contemplating why my brain defaults to, “I’m doing something wrong.” On the surface, it looks impressive—up early, being “productive.” Yet, look at all the things I’m not doing. I’m not doing a 10-step skincare routine right now. I’m not running 10 miles in the dark. I’m not meditating and journaling my deepest traumas to cleanse my soul at the start of my day. I’m not crafting a farm-fresh breakfast with vegetables picked straight from my nonexistent garden. I’m not skipping coffee for the first hour and opting for a gallon of water instead (tried that, it’s only a “sometimes” thing for me when I’m feeling super strong, okay? Not today.)
And this is just a normal morning. When the Valentine’s Day season rolls around, somehow there feels like an extra pressure to exist with an additional layer of self-love if you aren’t already existing with love from someone else. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but whether or not you consciously feel these self-love pressures everyday, social media and society have increasingly conditioned us to carry them—whether we like it or not. This is now sounding like some strange psychology thesis, so I am going to cut the attempt at sounding fancy and just be straight up with you about why this is so hard and what we can do about it.
The picture you see here is me wrapped in a burrito blanket questioning my life decisions. (Now I am a museum tour guide, apparently.) Did I put any thought into this picture when taking it or think it would see the light of day past my camera roll? Absolutely not, but it sums up my feelings toward Valentine’s Day and the self-love pressures perfectly. In fact, I use it as a visual in my most recent podcast episode before even realizing I had the very visual sitting on my phone—maybe a “meant to be” moment, or maybe the universe telling me “okay Meredith you really gotta get your life together.”
Is this not how so many of us can feel, though, when we think of self-love? It can be so expensive. Time-consuming. Not realistic. And at the end of the day, sometimes taking care of ourselves in the traditional sense of self-care and self-love practices just feels so overwhelming, especially on a day like Valentine’s Day.
Rewriting the Self-Love Narrative
Regardless of what your Valentine’s season is looking like, I want to share a few tangible, low-effort self-loved ideas to make your day (or any day) feel like less pressure to “just love yourself!”
Change ONE thing about your current situation
♡ For the people who don’t want to leave their house or disrupt their routine, this one’s for you! Live your day as you have planned—but change the vibe slightly. Light a new candle. Change into your favorite comfy set. Start a favorite nostalgic show or movie in the background, or an album you haven’t listened to in forever. Maybe put on (or take off) some makeup, redo the hair, rearrange some furniture, bake some cookies… Yes, this can literally be anything. Just do one thing you weren’t planning to do, and it will feel like you are doing something for yourself.
Choose one small thing to splurge on
♡ On Valentine’s Day especially, it’s easy to feel the pressure to treat yourself or someone else lavishly. Personally, I’ve found the most joy in treating myself to small but meaningful treats and experiences that don’t break the bank or take up my entire day; it takes away the guilt, stress, and pressure of having to “prove” myself to anyone and question how else I could be spending my time/money. So buy yourself the coffee. Get the sweet treat. Take a scenic drive (night drive + frozen yogurt is the vibe, iykyk.)
Romanticize without the effort
♡ Especially when we’re feeling down bad, it’s easy to get lazy with our habits—to sit on the floor and stare at walls instead of being an adult and looking at ourselves in the mirror and doing something about our life (oh, just me? Okay…) Really, though, if you want to love yourself, treat yourself like you would someone you care about—even if in small ways. If you had someone over to your house, you wouldn’t make them sit on the floor, right? You’d let them eat on an actual plate and not from a bag? You’d let them sit at a table or counter and not on the couch or bed for every meal? These are small but easy ways to treat yourself kindly.
A 5-minute walk heals all
♡ I’m going to be that girl: go outside, hehe! Seriously, though, five minutes of breathing fresh air is all you need to re-ground and remind yourself that the world is bigger than your self-love spiral, and everything is actually okay. The trees and birds and cars and other people are existing, and you can too. Bonus: curate the perfect playlist before you go, whether you want to be in your hot girl walk era or your sad girl spring moment.
Shut down social media
♡ I know everyone hates to see this tip coming, but someone has to say it. Social media has singlehandedly been the largest destructor of my well-being around the Valentine’s Day season (not because I’m not happy for everyone else’s happiness, of course, but because of how it makes me feel about my own lack of happiness… too far? You know you can stop reading whenever you want, right?) I know this piece of advice is literally the most difficult to take, and funny it’s at the bottom of the list given I think it may be the most important of all, but please try to avoid Instagram or whatever else triggers you on Valentine’s Day, or any day, and set your limits. For example, maybe a limit of how often you’ll scroll or a 5-minute timer. When you use social media as a crutch or distraction or literally just open the apps out of habit and boredom like I do when I get antsy and am waiting at a red light or whatever it may be, it’s going to be really hard to turn the habit off, but practice catching yourself in the act and you will genuinely feel so much more at peace not knowing what everyone else is doing. Let me assure you, from the experience of knowing and not knowing what people are doing: you’re not missing anything.
So, whatever your Valentine’s season has lined up for you, just know that there is no right way to live it. I hope these tips can help ease some of that self-love pressure, and for the record, even if you find yourself also wrapped up in a burrito blanket at some point, just know that you’re doing something right—they are very comfy cozy. (P.S. if you buy through my link, I will receive a small commission… tysm for your support…)
Until next time, stay genuine!
Xoxo,
Genuine Girl
